Pregnancy Loss
Sometimes babies do not make it to term. Sometimes they are called home earlier. I lost my first baby, when I was almost 3 months pregnant. This was the hardest experience I have yet had to go through. I blamed myself, I blamed my job...I didn't know where to find an answer for why this happened.
When a baby is born before 20 weeks gestation, this is known as a miscarriage. After 20 weeks, the loss is called a stillbirth. Here, I will not go into the ins and outs of miscarriage, as if you have had one, you know all about it.
Sometimes when a baby is lost, through stillbirth or miscarriage, those who have not gone through this particular sorrow do not know how to respond. Common "words of comfort" are: "Well, there was probably something wrong with the baby so you are better off anyway" or "You will have more children". Some people do not understand why a mother or a father "still haven't got over it". A time of miscarriage can be a very lonely time, as the family who has suffered the loss may feel like they do not have a right to mourn this baby.
I am here to tell you that you do have a right to mourn your loss and you do have a right to name this child a member of your family. Miscarriage is not a "weeding" out process (no matter what doctors might say); it is not a sign that you are unfit as a parent, that you don't deserve a child. It is something that happens, that causes extreme sorrow and pain. For those who are at a loss of how to respond, sometimes the best words are "I am sorry". And the best thing you can offer is a listening ear. Let the mother or father talk about their baby. Acknowledge this baby as being real and important. This wasn't just a "pregnancy", this is a baby, a part of the family.
Miscarriage does not need to take place in the hospital, and sometimes it is more to the detriment to the mother if it does take place there. If you choose to have your baby at home, you can take care of things much the same way you would for a full term baby.
I hope to have some UC miscarriage stories here soon. If you have any, let me know.